


dreams to see with you

by helloearthlings



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Children, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Infertility, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6852244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloearthlings/pseuds/helloearthlings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin was his best friend in the world, and Arthur would want his children to grow up knowing and loving Merlin anyway – it made sense. It would be the next best thing to raising his own children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dreams to see with you

**Author's Note:**

> So a headcanon I've seen and have adopted is that because Arthur's mother was infertile and he was born of magic, he himself cannot have children. I debated for a while about making this a Canon AU but decided to go with modern because the modern version has a happy ending. The canon one would follow a similar beginning but would end in an angst-filled mess. See, Raven? I'm fully capable of consciously choosing to write fluff over angst! Your accusations are unfounded. So please enjoy one of my rare showings of this choice. :)

“Hello? Arthur? Hello? Are you there?”

Arthur breathed in and out, in and out as he listened to Merlin’s voice, confused, but not panicky. He probably just thought that this was an accidental dial. Soon, the phone clicked off, confirming Merlin’s state of mind.

Arthur squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled deeply, fingers shaking as he dialed again. The doctor’s waiting room was not overly busy, but he still turned his face away to make sure no one could see him. He blinked a few times to make sure that any leftover residue in his eyes would not show in his voice. He didn’t want to sound sentimental or weak, but he hadn’t been so close to tears in longer than he could remember.

“Arthur?” The phone clicked and Merlin’s voice rang through the speakers again.

Arthur breathed deeply and forced himself to talk. “I’m here.”

“What’s the matter?” Merlin asked sharply, and Arthur should have known better to hide his feelings from Merlin. His friend could always pick up on Arthur’s emotional state from one look at his face or the sound of his voice; Merlin knew him so well and so completely that it was like second nature to him.

Which, of course, made Merlin the only suitable candidate for the viewing pleasure of Arthur’s soon-to-be emotional breakdown – and the only suitable candidate for the favor Arthur needed to ask.

“I – I need to talk to you. I got some – news. Are you at your flat? Can I come over?”

“I’m still at work, but I can leave a little early – give me twenty minutes, okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Arthur puffed a breath out through his nose as his fingers drummed against the hard plastic of the waiting room chair. “That’s fine. See you soon.”

* * *

 

“Arthur, oh my God,” Merlin studied Arthur’s tear-streaked face, pulling Arthur into his flat and slamming the door behind him. Arthur let Merlin lead him inside, feeling numb. “What the hell is going on? What happened? Is it your father? Morgana?”

“No, no,” Arthur’s head snapped up, wanting to dispel any ideas of death or dismemberment. “Nothing like that. Everyone’s fine.”

“Well, _you’re_ clearly not,” Merlin said, shaking his head at Arthur. “I don’t think I’ve seen you cry since uni when Gwen broke up with you. Thought you swore off the whole act for life.”

“Tried,” Arthur muttered half-heartedly, making his way past Merlin to sit on one of his worn armchairs, curling up and leaning his head back, trying to regain control of his breathing.

“Wait a second –” Merlin said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously as he sat down on the couch opposite Arthur. “Didn’t you have a doctor’s appointment today? Oh, God. You have cancer, don’t you? Or Parkinson’s. Or early onset dementia.”

“I’m not going to die, Merlin,” Arthur said a bit hollowly, staring at the ceiling. “I just…I can’t…”

He broke off, not wanting to finish his sentence. He tried not to look his friend in the eye. “I can’t have kids.”

“Arthur,” Merlin said softly as Arthur squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting his friend’s pity. He had to tell someone; even someone with as little self-awareness as Arthur knew that the pain he was feeling needed to at least be expressed in some form, to someone, and Merlin was the safest choice. He didn’t have a significant other’s shoulder to cry on. His sister, Morgana, a staunch volunteer at Planned Parenthood, would just try to give him leaflets and brochures, and there was no way Arthur would confide in his father that the Pendragon bloodline would be discontinued until Arthur could process it himself.

“I just needed to tell someone,” Arthur said quietly, still staring at the ceiling.

“I didn’t know you wanted kids,” Merlin said after a moment. Arthur finally plucked up the courage to look over at his friend, who was staring at Arthur with a mixture of sadness and confusion. Arthur smiled sadly at him.

“Neither did I,” he admitted, “until the doctor told me I couldn’t.”

“You know you can still adopt, right?” Merlin said, and Arthur winced at the reminder of what he had to explain. “Listen, I know I sound like Morgana, but there are plenty of options for you if you can’t conceive naturally.”

“I know,” Arthur nodded in acknowledgement. “But…I’m a Pendragon. My family history, my bloodline – it’s long and illustrious. My father won’t take the news well.”

“It’s not something you control,” Merlin said, this time firmly, because no one knew Arthur’s self-hatred like Merlin did. “You don’t need to feel guilty. The news will be disappointing to your father; if he finds fault with _you_ , then he’s more of an idiot than I thought.”

“It’s not just that,” Arthur said, groaning slightly. He hated talking about his emotions, but he the favor he needed to ask of Merlin wasn’t something he could justify without explanation. “I just – I mean – I know adoption is a good thing, and it works for a lot of people. But it would feel – I don’t know – like the child wasn’t mine. I know, I know, it’s stupid.”

“Of course it is – even if you’re not someone’s biological father, you can still _be_ a father,” Merlin, thankfully, refrained from rolling his eyes, but he started to smile at the signs of Arthur’s idiocy. “And it could still be your wife’s child if you used a sperm donor.”

“That’s – that’s kind of why I’m here,” Arthur began a bit awkwardly. “I wanted to – to ask a favor of you.”

“Sure,” Merlin said, a bit puzzled, tilting his head to the side slightly. “What is it?”

“Would you –” Arthur swallowed hard. He was against showing sentiment on principle. “Assuming at some point I get married, and my wife wants children, and I still want children – would you – ah – be the sperm donor?”

 Merlin made a surprised noise in the back of his throat and Arthur winced, looking away. From the moment the doctor told him, the idea bloomed in his mind, and he hadn’t been able to shake it off as stupid, or sentimental, or anything of the sort. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more attached he grew to it. Merlin was his best friend in the world, and Arthur would want his children to grow up knowing and loving Merlin anyway – it made sense. It would be the next best thing to raising his own children.

“Arthur, I’m – honored, you have no idea,” Merlin started a bit reverently, staring at Arthur with eyebrows raised in apparent shock. “But would that – I mean – is that such a good idea?”

Arthur opened his mouth, shame rising up at ever showing his emotions like this, planning on reneging the idea entirely before Merlin interrupted. “I just mean that your father – he’ll be very angry. He doesn’t like me much. And your future wife might have something to say about it.”

“I don’t much care about what my father thinks,” Arthur said slowly, processing. “And if my future wife doesn’t adore you, then she probably won’t be my wife for long.”

Merlin snorted almost involuntarily and Arthur chanced a grin over at him.

“I just – it’s the next best thing,” Arthur reverted to staring at the ceiling, “to raising my own kids. They’d basically be my own kids, if they were yours. And of course you’d be in their lives. I understand if you – I mean, I know you probably want to _raise_ your own kids, but –”

“Can’t think of any reason I couldn’t do both,” Merlin said quietly and a bit humorously a moment later and Arthur quickly changed his gaze to him, daring to hope. His friend had a crooked little smile on his face. “Look, Arthur, a lot of things might change between now and when you’re actually ready to have kids. But, as it stands right now, I would say yes. Of course I would say yes. And for what it’s worth, if I never get to raise my own child, having you raise them would be the next best thing.”

“Thank you,” Arthur said, holding himself back from bridging the space between them and pulling Merlin into a hug. He had shown enough emotion today; he didn’t want to overload his senses. “For everything – but mainly for being my best friend.”

“No problem, mate,” Merlin grinned crookedly over at him, reaching a hand over to pat Arthur’s own. “I’ll always be there for you – but I’m sure you already know that.”

“Yeah,” Arthur smiled, a warmth growing in his chest, and from it, another idea came, one much more overwhelming and emotional than the last, so large that Arthur felt his body shake at the mere thought of it. He looked across at Merlin, still with his half-smile, his messy hair, his too-large ears, and wondered, maybe for the first time and maybe for the thousandth –

Well. He’d already asked enough of Merlin today.

But tomorrow – or one of the tomorrows that came afterward – he might be able to manage it.

* * *

 

“I think she looks just like you.”

Arthur laughed quietly as Merlin pressed his face into Arthur’s neck, reaching around him to run his finger down the cheek of the tiny baby sleeping in Arthur’s lap. Arthur sighed as Merlin pressed a light kiss against Arthur’s jaw.

“How’s Elena?” Arthur asked.

“As well as one can be expected after delivering a child,” Merlin said, smiling into Arthur’s shoulder. “She’s resting. She’ll be able to go home to Liverpool in a few days.”

“No second thoughts about entrusting us with her child?”

“None at all. She’s pretty pleased with her hefty check. I think it might have been cheaper to just go through with the adoption.”

“But then she wouldn’t be yours,” Arthur said a bit sleepily, twisting his neck to kiss Merlin’s hair. “S’important to me that she’s yours.”

“I know,” Merlin said, biting his lip to keep from smiling. Arthur had to look down at the tiny infant, her eyelids fluttering as she slept, and felt something expand in his chest. “And it’s important to me that she’s _yours_.”

Arthur smiled as Merlin reached for the baby girl’s tiny fingers and played with them as he murmured into Arthur’s neck, “it broke my heart a bit when you asked me to be your sperm donor. I was honored, of course I was, but it meant that you’d dismissed any idea of us being together. Of my children already being yours.”

“Well, that was stupid,” Arthur closed his eyes, humming contentedly as he rocked the baby slightly. “Because that was the moment I realized I was in love with you. And didn’t just want you to father my children, but be my children’s father.”

“Really?” Merlin said a bit dryly, and Arthur had to smile. They’d been being sappy for too long, apparently. “Took you long enough to, you know, vocalize that. What was it – _ten months later_ that I was informed as such?”

“Some stupidly long amount of time,” Arthur said, leaning his head against Merlin’s contentedly. “Anyway, enough about how thick we both are – we still need to pick a name.”

“Hmm,” Merlin contemplated, one hand on Arthur’s back and the other on their daughter’s head, brushing back the tiny wisps of hair.

“Elena, after her mother?” Arthur suggested after a moment.

“Ygraine, after yours?” Merlin volleyed back and Arthur smiled.

“Elena Ygraine,” he repeated more than once. “Emrys-Pendragon or Pendragon-Emrys?”

“Ugh, hyphens,” Merlin made a face. “Just name her Pendragon to make your father happy.”

“Or Emrys, to piss my father off,” Arthur suggested with a bright smile and Merlin laughed at him, turning his face to kiss him lightly.

“We’ll decide soon enough,” Merlin hooked his chin over Arthur’s shoulder once more. “Right now, let’s just sit a moment. Before she wakes up and starts crying and the _real_ parenthood begins.”

 Arthur sighed and leaned back into Merlin’s touch, closing his eyes for what he knew would be one of the last times for weeks, and couldn’t help but smile.


End file.
